So I'm home, I'm unproductive, I'm in bed most of the day (or else I'm here reading, posting or chatting).

And my program has been delayed and delayed and delayed. I should have been getting treatment for more than a week already, but still nothing.

A few minutes ago I got an email from my boss. I emailed him an update yesterday, I've been in touch, I've been trying to do some work at home for them.

In the email, he snipes at me for not calling them. He knows I don't have a phone, "but there are payphones" he says. I can't get out of my house, and unfortunately I don't have a pay phone in my living room.

He says he can't have the graphics department send me any more work at home "until he knows my intentions." "Work vs disability". I guess that explains why I haven't heard anything from them since last week, he must have told them not to send me any more work to do at home.

Then he apologizes for being so "uncompassionate" on Yom Kippur, "but he has his company to look out for to."

I don't know how I can answer. I haven't even been evaluated by a doctor yet (that's supposed to happen when I start the partial program, i.e. two weeks ago) so I don't have anything official to say or any idea of when I'll be back to work.

And even if I did, I'm too stressed out to respond. Too depressed to respond.

I feel very flush from this email, very stressed. My appetite is completely gone and I haven't eaten anything today. All the blood rushed out of my head.

He doesn't know the exact nature of why I am out, they mostly think it is because of my arthritis and because of all the meds I'm taking for physical issues.

I feel more alone than ever here... no one around to visit or anything.

And without transportation, I was worried enough about how to go back to work IF and WHEN I get past the depression... the idea of having to find a new job, without any transportation (and with the arthritis I can't even walk anywhere, to a train or bus) is just terrifying.