hi Rainboz I can so understand some of what you are saying. I too have been ill since an early age. I too feel like I am a drain on people and relatives. And I too pray to be taken. The thing is, and I believe this with all my heart (although others believe different and whose to say someone else is wrong) I believe God is love. God is only love. No one does anything to deserve suffering. God doesnt condemn anyone to a life of pain. But I surely do believe people condemn themselves. I know I do. This Perhaps God can heal if someone has enough faith and opens the door to let the light in. I do not know. I do know that prolonged pain combined with depression and dispair can cause just the feelings you are having. and that I have. I do not have a religion by the way. so this is not religious dogma. I want to say that I am sorry for your pain. living life in pain is not easy. It takes strength to do it. Even when we dont see that. I hope something that I have said can help a bit. Sending lite to you Rainbowz