<font color="#880000"> With all that is going on in my life, I should not be deperssed but I am way down in the dumps today. I have not been feeling too well, my back has been hurting badly over the last couple of days, and the pysical pain is making me hurt more and I think it is effecint me to the point I do not want to do anything..
I do not want to go to school, nor do I want to get out of bed. My mind is saying sleep all the time, but I know I cant, I have to go to schoool so I can pass both of my test next week and so forth and so on.

i know with the wedding comign up, my mood should be bouncing off the walls and I should be climbing the ceilings with happiness over the fact I am marrying the man I am in love with, but my heart just in not in the mood because of my pain and that makes me so sad because most of my family is not going to be at my wedding not even my own parents who my own dad will not be there to walk me down the isle, I have tried not to let this bother me, but it is really starting to bug the %#@&#! out of me .. it is starting to show in everythign I do.
I tend to snip more lately, and I do not like to do that. I want to be happy and I have put up a mask so others do not see what pain I am in, but I think it is starting to fade away, slolwy ever so slolwy and that is hurting me more and more.. One of my freinds said I need to smile more, how can I smile when i am hurting so bad on the insdie???? </font>