I'm thirty-four, she's a few years older and it's unacceptable to mention a lady's age, so I won't.

I care very, very much for her but...

I keep having thoughts I can't control.
That I don't deserve her, that something will happen to take her away.
That she'll wake up and realize I'm a monster, as so many have in the past..

I'm scared, nothing scares me.
I've been in numerous situations where my life could end in a millisecond...
But this scares me more than anything, ever.

I need to be there and I need to be strong for her, but I'm no good if I keep falling apart out of fear. It's easy to say and to mean that you'll die for someone you love.
So much harder to live for them. Death is a single sacrifice, life is an ongoing one.