LabLover23,

I'm sorry that you're suffering from the guilty feelings. Not fun, I know. What helps me with my guilt (valid or not) is acceptance from others of the intense emotion. I understand.

I would say that letting it out to someone (a T, friend or family, in PC) could help you begin working through the emotions. Holding the memories and thoughts inside really doesn't help you.

What if your friend does come into PC? What if they read your story, of you letting it out? Would they attack you? Your friend may be a member. Maybe they will read your story. I highly doubt that they'd attack you...but, let's say they did. You could make the best of the situation by working through those bruises you've held onto. That would be much more therapuetic than holding onto it forever, in fear of what may or may not be said. In my humble opinion, we do much more damage to ourselves than others. {As we go over and over things, in our minds, blaming ourselves for every misery in this world.}

Hugs to you...