Good morning Bobbi,
I am here, reading and listening. I know what you mean about the strain of running around to doctor appointments. This test and that test and one diagonosis on top of another. It does play havoc on a person.

I wish I had the answers you seek. I guess that is what brings us all together. The search for answers. The craving for normal. The hope for calm in the storm. The chance to find companions on the road.

I get how tired of it you must be. It wears on one to have to cope with the effects of depression. When I get a break from it, like I am experiencing for coming on a month now, I am struck by how easy life is compared to how it goes in depression. When depressed it is like trudging through thick mud. When free it is like flying across the surface. I don't know how long this break will last. What I can do to make it stick. I tell myself to take each day as it comes and make the most of it while it lasts.

I have been thinking lately what lesson I might learn that will help me when the crash hits again. What might I be able to do to cope better when everything overwhelms me and my passion for anything is dulled.

Kindness keeps coming to mind. Be kind to yourself Bobbi. Look for beauty somewhere. Anywhere and dwell there for awhile. Don't ask much of yourself other than to take one step at a time quietly and gently.

I find it difficult to be creative when I am depressed too. I will walk into my studio with good intentions to design something but I will sit there as tears cover my face unable to come up with anything. I end up walking away ovewhelmed again by the hopelessness of it all. It consumes and deflates and drains me of my will.

Take a deep breath Bobbi and remind yourself that you will get through this. There is relief. If not today then down the road it will come to you. Keep your hope alive anyway you can. Feed yourself hope for better days. For answers to questions that you can't even formulate through your pain today. Dwell upon anything that will give your spirit a rest. That will comfort your weary heart. Know that all that is dark is false and affirm the light you can't see.

Show yourself kindness. Do what makes you feel better even if for a moment. For me it usually would involve a walk through the forest to a favourite spot on the river. I would sit and watch the water rushing over the rocks. I would admire the rocks ability to withstand the constant pressure of the rushing waters attempt to displace them. I would notice how smooth and shiny the rocks had become. Slick and free of any rough edges. The rushing waters of springtime was both their enemy and their friend in the same steady motion. The waters rubbed off their rough spots and tested their foundations day after day. Summer would come and the waters would receed and those rocks that had been tormented by the waters now rested and soaked in the summer sun. They absorbed the heat of the day to be released in the night. The cycle of their existance taught me much of my journey. They gave me hope that if I held firm that soon the waters would push back and I would be feeling the summer sun too.

Wishing you well my dear friend. My hopes and prayers are with you. This too shall pass. As tright as that old saying sounds sometimes it had a way of giving me hope even in my darkest moments. I pray you see light today. Blessings.

Oh my.... I did ramble...... I hope I said something useful to you.