@SAWE - I have given myself permission to think about him; I did not use a timer so I went way over time. For me, just immersing myself in what I am
supposed to be doing - vs. obsessing - is the best outcome. I am pleased when I accomplish my task, more satisfying than the obsession.
But, should the intensity of thoughts return, I'm TOTALLY going to use the timer method.
The pain, though, is present all the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
... It worked out well the first time I went back, but 3 or 6 months later (I forgot how long) I went again, and I started obsessing about her all over again. It ended up worse, and I saw a 3rd T to resolve all of my feelings.
Still, I think it was worth it to tie things up with her. ...
In your case, do you think seeing him could resolve the pain, or would indeed make it worse? What exactly do you want to achieve by seeing him again? If you're like me, what you really want is that "fix" again, and you'll be unsatisfied. But if you think telling him will solve something, or if there is something else left unsaid, that it could be productive. I still think discussing it all with your new T would be more helpful, at least before you try to make an appointment with old T.  |
thx for the hugs!
Ah, you had a long break before your return, but it was still worth it. I think that the timing of my return visit - now, when I'm still working thru my termination - will be productive and let me feel more resolved.
This is a serious point you make -- It can't be about a "fix"
I'd finally decided I wanted to terminate and find a female T when he announced his departure. I did not have the time to put all my feelings about it on the table in three final sessions. SO, if I combine it with SAWE's concept, then I'd only plan to have 1-3 more sessions with him, to finish. If I wanted more than that, then I'd have to self-check on my motivation.
Writing in my journal last night helped. I can see - in writing - what I might need, what feels incomplete. I had a neat and tidy farewell, since the time available was dictated by his last day. I did not want to "waste" the final few sessions with messy feelings. Feelings would have been a distraction to having a review of our challenges and accomplishments. So, I planned out the sessions, controlled it so that we "accomplished" our termination goal.
That works OK for the logical adult self, the one who is used to having favorite colleagues move on to new jobs.
But this T is the one that my teenage self opened up to, shared her tough story with, and she is feeling abandoned.
So, she'd benefit from another session or two with originalT in order to have her say.
And, since HE left her, it ended up having a different feeling than when I was choosing it. The feelings move from one extreme to another!
I'm definitely not going to get very much into the topic with the new girlT; it is something unfinished between me and originalT. However, new girlT and I have not yet built our therapeutic relationship.
I'm feeling pressured because the only office phone# where I can contact him is where he works on Saturday. So, if I don't call tonight he's not going to hear from me for a week, and I'd be another week further from resolution.
