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Jul 10, 2010, 03:10 AM
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Member Since: Jul 2010
Location: California
Posts: 8
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 I am so sick and tired of my family trying to make me talk to their father. In my mind, my father died when I was 8 years old. They don't know what he did to me and all the anger and pain I had to deal with on my own. I triumphed over the situation on my own. I refuse to let it get the best of me and distroy the person i could become. But it's because they don't know and that i won't tell, that i can't fully move on. I have all this hate and anger in my heart. They try to guilt trip me in to talking to him (we haven't spoke in 8 years) because "he's sick". Yes, he is sick, sick in the head. I told them all "i can't wait till he dies. I will not shed a tear and I will dance and spit on his grave". How can i ever reach my full potential if I am still living with the demon inside? I already know the triggers for my nightmares, so those i can avoid. But this anger in my heart is starting to eat at me. I ask God for help, but in a way, I don't think I want it. I just hope this doesn't effect the type of mom i can be. He will never see my child!!!! I'm too scared to seek help, but i feel as if I am beginning to run out of options and lose control of my anger! As i type this, my blood begins to boil!
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Don't care about all the pain in front of me, I'm just trying to be happy! 
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