I belong to a support group for those with loved ones in prison and a few days ago a woman came in with a question that has cost me some sleep. I feel so much sorrow for her but it is so big that I don't know what to say. I try to describe my own feelings about it - even to myself and I can't wrap my head around it. I imagine myself in her spot and...forget it, I just snap.

Her fiance went to prison three years ago and she has faithfully waited for him. They both write each other every day and talk once a week. A couple of weeks ago she missed a day without getting a letter from him; it happens, the mail sometimes works funny. No mail the next day either...or the next. Two weeks without a letter and she's starting to panic. She considers that maybe he got transfered and he's in intake at another prison and can't write yet. So, she goes to the department of corrections website to their 'inmate locator', puts in his name and checks for his status.

I don't know if she really didn't know what the word meant or if she is in shock and simply can't process it but she comes to us and asks, "What does deceased mean?" I can't even imagine finding out something like that - that way. I've bounced back from some stuff in life but I can't even imagine bouncing back from that.