Evening - you know you are important in this world, you know you have a purpose.
I can hear you are in a bad palce, but please rest in the peace that it will pass.

What meds has your pdoc put you on and for what condition?
It sounds like you desperately need to phone your doctor or even better a T if you have one.
Please reach out to anyone you can - phone you mother - and seek support.
We are all here for you too