((((((((((((deli)))))))))))))

I read your post and then went for a run...I wasn't sure how to respond.

While I was running, I was thinking back to times in my life when I wanted to end it..and times in my life when things were really really good...and I remembered that things ALWAYS CHANGE. I try really hard to remember that when things are really bad AND when things are really good. I have a friend who says that when he's super depressed, he tells himself "this too shall pass"...and when he's super happy he tells himself "this too shall pass". Everything changes.

It feels awful to be in that dark place where it seems like nothing is going right and everything is an uphill battle. I'm sorry you're in that place.

There's no way to know what lies ahead. Don't deprive yourself of a chance to find out.

Please text p-doc, call him, e-mail him...whatever you need to do to reach him. My T has told me how hurt and angry he would be if I ever actually ended my own life. P-doc would feel the same way. Give him a chance to help you.