Deli- wow tough stuff.

Hang in there, the cycle sucks, but it WILL get better- remember that it has in the past. Your posts on here have been helpful for so many, myself included.
It's hard when you feel like you have lost hope. Maybe you can find one liitle bit of something to enjoy right now? For me it's chocolate, being in the woods, a baby, folk music. What is it for YOU today?
I liked the title of your post - maybe a place to start??