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Yes. In many ways, I wait for it. In others, I fear I will facilitate it. There are nights I go to sleep and hope I never wake up. Mornings I open my eyes and wish I was dead.
I have thought about dying from illness, accident, suicide... too much. But in my mind there is always a subtle sweetness about my death. Something like relief.
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She wishes things were different, but the wishes don't mean anything.
I am trying to hear myself think here But all I can feel is the pain.
I just want to curl up and stop my aching heart .
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