Thanks Byz. The effects of the last week of family re-connections is still causing some mood cycling but at least it is good to be safe at home again.

I really appreciate my home and all the blessings that surround me. The pressure to move closer to family and the search for a place to live back in my home town has really shown me how blessed I am here. How many things I take for granted that have become my foundations for coping with my symptoms day by day. The forest spaces, the mountain cliffs, the rivers, my garden and the slower pace of life around here. My home town is consider small but still bigger then where I live now. So much more traffic and noise. Housing options are far from the gifts of nature I have outside my door or within a few minutes walk right now.

I haven't accomplished much today other than to stablize my mood as it swings to and fro, up and down and all around. Thinking about moving triggers so many feelings that are difficult to process so I am trying not to think about it. Thinking about my finances or finding work or considering my son's needs in the mix are too ambiguous. Too hard to deal with right now so just trying not to deal with anything.

No sleep last night. That doesn't help. Almost ready to ask the doc for sleep meds but then I remind myself how dangerous that would be for me. Will need to continue to rely on other ways to try to stop my brain so I can get some sleep.

I enjoyed a lovely walk in the rain this afternoon. I really love the feeling of rain on my face. It just somehow makes everything okay. Nothing else matters except how good the rain feels. Eventually though I have to come inside again to get dry and warm and to be reminded that my life is in limbo and I have no vision for my future. I am being dogged by wolves to step into a new path and all I really want is to stay safe in my cave.

I appreciate anyone listening to my ongoing saga of resisting change and whatever else is going on with me these mixed up days.