Well Sanity here goes nothing, loosing my children really started this whole nightmare of "my life". I grew up in a very abusive family. But when I was growing up being afraid of your parents was "normal" for most of us. That old saying just wait til your father gets home, was a horror for me and my younger siblings. My father was an abusive alcholic and addict. He never held a steady job so my Mom always worked 2 jobs as long as I can remember. My Grandmother "faternal", pratically raised us. I adored her, and I was her favorite. But I didn't remeber the sexual abuse until I was about seventeen. When my father introduced me to Pot, he was stoned and started pawing me and telling how much I looked like my mother, he even called me be her name and kissed me pationately, which totally freaked me out. I ran away. But that night I had a really bad dream of him slobering all over me when I was a small child. It was kinda like watching a movie, starring me and him.
Well that really freaked me out and I went to stay with my grandmother but never spoke of it to anyone, until I started therapy in my late 20's, I was married the first time at 19 and of course I married a man who was verbally abussive in the 2nd years of marriage, but during the first year, I started having reocurring dreams "nightmares" of my father abusing me. To this day I never remembered specific acts, but enough that I new I had been sexually, phsycially, and emotional abused by my father and friends of his. So that set the rollercoaster in motion.

So in the 2 nd yr of marriage my husband started drinking heavily, he always drank but not to the point of total intoxication. Then he started staying after work and going to the bar with who knows who. At that time I was very timid and kept to myself, I was isolated and my family never cared for him. But as I was preparing for my escape, I got pregnant. I didn't even know I was pregnant for the first 3 mos, cause my cycle was normal. But one night he pushing me down the stairs and I started cramping and bleeding, I was taken to the hospital. That's when I found out that I was pregnant. Things settled down quite a bit after that until the baby was born, my first. I had postpartuim depression. I was always scarred waiting for the day......well he started claiming the baby wasn't his, and so on.

One day my neighbor came over while he was at work, she heard me and the baby crying. She saved my life. We sat and talked, like amother and daughter would. She said I know what's going on over here, and I just wanted to let you know that if every I needed that she would help me in what ever way she could, We lived in twin row so our housed were conected. And we came up with a plan, if needed. well that weekend he came home stinkin drunk, baby was about 8 mos old. It was 3am, he pulled me out of bed from a sound sleep and punched me in the face, screaming and yelling, and I managed to get away from him, and ran accross my fron lawn as he was chasing me with a real sword that I had on the wall (my grandfather's from the civil war)
yelling at the top of his lungs, I'll kill you *****, and some other choice words which I can not say here. But you get the picture. My neighbor had already called the policy and they came with sirrens blarring, as I was running into her house the cops stopped him on the lawn, with guns drawn, as I was hiding in her bedroom closet.

Well, you get the picture, they only kept him overnight because his parent posted his bail, and while I was at work the fallowing day he came and took my daughter from the sitters. And that was the beginning of my loosing everything, my child my home and my sanity.

I will continue this later, it is almost 2 am. Got to get some sleep.