Teary, could never ever judge you for something like that. My heart just wants to hold and protect you. Please know that anything you did or anything that happened to you was not your fault. I am sorry you have to have an operation . What would you think of being honest with the doctor? Because nothing that happened was your fault. And you are good. Of course you do not have to say a word to her. Its totally up to you. But if you want to talk to her about it, I really believe it would be okay. Have you called your t to tell her about the surgery? huge safe hugs for you teary.