You are showing great strength. You may not feel it now, but I can see it. You are afraid, probably not just for yourself, but I bet for your husband as well. It sounds to me like he is very scared and has so much going though his mind right now that he doesn't know what to do. All I can say is try to offer him gentle support, and perhaps he will turn around. In time, he will see life more clearly. As things change for him, he may give you some support back. What you need to do for YOURSELF now is to make sure that you always have your own support system. Call / Write / Email / Fax / Whatever you can to friends, family, coworkers, therapist, pastor, women's group, whoever you can trust to listen. Of course your friends here at the forum always welcome you! If you check the newspaper, radio station, hospital, or a local college you should be able to find info on women's groups or other groups of interest, too. Things like this are good for anybody, so you may learn and wish to share the information with someone else you know as well. Writing a letter to yourself or an imaginary person can help mend the feelings you experience now, too. Well, I hate to make a long post, so I'll end here. Remember that we are always here for you, for love and support, and great ideas.