I certainly understand wanting to honor your vows. I will never dishonor my vows to my wife. So that you might believe that I am coming from a place of deep respect for you honoring your vows and that I mean what I have said about never dishonoring my own, let me share that my wife is in her twenty-third year in prison. I understand for better or for worse.

That said, and in my opinion, it is time for tough love. Being in such a situation is not healthy for any of the people involved. I would not divorce her but would no longer enable her to persist in behavior that is unhealthy for her. If she wants to leave the home and get into another man's car, then I would tell her that I love her, I wish she would not go, but if she does go - don't come back until it is finished.

This is not about keeping a record of wrongs or being self-seeking; this is about not making it easy for her to continue hurting herself. You may find that putting your foot down is more difficult than standing by for the status quo.