(((((granite)))))

I'm always affected by your posts because of my history of "not talking." In therapy, we are focusing on that as the root of my problems. You said you don't have "selective mutism" but I wonder if the label matters. I wonder if your T has read information about that subject. Did you ever read books by Torey Hayden? She worked with children who couldn't talk. One of her books is Murphy's Boy, and it is about a boy who had such a terrible past that he became mute. Torey worked with him and he learned to trust her and overcame his mutism. There are professionals who have studied selective mutism and know what kind of therapy techniques are helpful. I wish that I could ask your T if she has read anything about it.

I'm wondering why writing is easier for you, and why you are comfortable posting here? I know, for me, the words just pour out in writing, but speaking has always been a struggle. It's about anxiety and fear of being judged, about being seen. No one sees you when they read your writing. But if you read it or it's read to you, they do see you. Then the person reacts to the words in person, and it's hard to deal with that.

I'm rambling, but I just want you to know I understand how hard it is to get the words out. People would beg me to talk to them but I couldn't. It was so painful.