Dottie,

I want something good to come from it too...before I "lost it" when I went to court I wanted to bring the detective in to my grad program to lecture in my crisis intervention class. I had been asked to teach and was planning to give lectures on abuse and PTSD...

A prof. I know has connections to the literary community/publishing so I was going to write it up and give it to her...Kind of like "Anatomy of a sociopath"....

But then I got sick...I wish I had never walked in that court room...People miss me. I miss me. Where is that person who loved to teach, counsel, fix things, read books, explore the world, talk to people, cook, take baths, fall in love, decorate....I don't know where I have gone and it is really really sad. I feel like I lost myself the day I walked in that room. My identity is gone, or at least that's how it feels...

My family has said sometimes it looks as if there is nothing there when they look at me.....a "shell of my formal self"....they say...a ghost.

There was never anything I encountered I couldn't fix. I can't figure this one out.