I don't hurt like you do and what I want doesn't matter. I do, in fact, want a better situation for you, but am powerless to effect that.

I understand your desire for answers but there may not be any and it is answers about someone else so doubly hard to get, especially with the someone else not cooperating. The only one who can supply the answers, you are trying to force the answers from him. That can't work.

I believe you are hopeful the hospital/doctors can "fix" him but that's unlikely if he does not cooperate. There is no drug(s) that can make him think/feel a certain way, even "rationally". Drugs and doctors do not make us well, they help relieve symptoms that may bother us and, in some illnesses, they might help our body fight better so it can heal us. That's a catch-22 as side effects and consequences of some drugs can make us ill in some other area. But there is the whole you-can't-step-in-the-river-at-the-same-place thing too; your husband's experiences now have changed him and it's anybody's guess, how. Again, only he can answer that.

Were I you, I would step back from the situation a little bit, for myself. As you've noted, your friends have left you. It is natural I think to look at the friends as being the ones with the problem but I always try to look at my surroundings and if everyone else is saying the other thing, going the other way, even people I know/trust like my former therapist, that makes me pause and rethink. "Everyone else" rarely has the problem?

I know you love your husband and I admire your dedication to him but I think you are hurting yourself in how you are trying to help him by subsuming yourself, using yourself up, to help him in the way you believe he needs help. Do you wish to be a martyr? Is that what you want for your life? That's an odd role to take, if you think about it. It's even odder when you realize that no one else sees it that way. He does not believe he needs help in that way and all his former friends and helpers do not believe it.