hey all,

thank you to those who have given me caring thought recently. i have been all over the place with my feelings. i'm not always good at taking care of myself, as i often prefer to take care of others. i want to let you all know that i have been thinking of you often. everyone here really does make a difference in my life.

yesterday my partner had a really intense session with her therapist. i am glad that she was able to talk to me about it, because she really opened my eyes to my own experiences...

she has had a really important revelation recently about her past, and i have been here to listen to her process it. just yesterday, i heard that she spoke to her therapist about her experiences in a particularly damaging institution and the recent realization about how it's affecting her current life. i am really glad to hear that her therapist knows. she seems even a little shocked that her therapist hadn't known about this yet.... i guess some things just don't happen to come up. it's ok. but it's important to think about that. i am really glad that she was able to talk even though i'm sure it was intense and difficult. i believe that her t can now better help her grow and learn from those experiences and hopefully she can help my partner continue to heal. i was a little worried that she hasn't been talking to her t about the difficult things lately.

i just want to recognize that there are really powerful realizations and intense moments that i have with my partner that i should be prepared for... or at least ready to deal with in some healthy way... i happened to be there for my partner while she was going through an important realization, and knowing how important it was, i wondered if she had talked to her t about it at all. i dont know if it's intrusive to ask her about her therapy. over the last few months i have been wondering what's been going on with her at therapy. it just seemed to me that maybe i was hearing the heaviest things my partner had going on in her head. now i am so glad to know that her t is also aware. i really care and i want to listen to my partner always... i dont want to stop her from talking to me, i just really hope that her t can be fully aware of what she is telling me sometimes too. i dont know what to say or how to help my partner as much as her t might know. it's hard to bring that up.

i'm continuing to think about going to therapy myself. i'm a little frustrated with how hard it is for me. but i think each day i am a little closer to making the next step. i have so many reservations and complicated feelings and thoughts about therapy. i need to just get over it. i am just so scared of this beginning stage. ugh. ...well, on a slightly related note, i have scheduled an appointment for this friday with an intuitive and spiritually gifted healer. i have taken some energy healing classes from this woman, and for my birthday my mom offered to pay for an individual healing session for me. i am also a little nervous for that, but in a more excited way. i really respect this woman, and i know she has some wonderful healing gifts that she is willing to use to help others. i hope that she may help give me some insight on which direction my healing path will take. then... i hope to take it from there. hopefully.