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June 2006.
He is gone. They found him. He is gone.
This is what my mother told me over the phone, when she was telling me about my cousins suicide. The following minutes after the phone hit the wall still seem like a blur. What was the anger at that point is still a reminder today with 2 shattered knuckles and a scar that haunts me.
I lost someone that day, that had no idea that I understood the pain he was feeling. I've lost the one person that truly understands my pain and following. I've never opened up about this loss, since its cut I feel will never truly heal.
I still cannot look at pictures of him, they almost haunt me. My mother describes them to me, telling me that he is smiling in the photo but I still cannot look. I've written something to him .. and would like to share it.
"I miss you my friend. I always looked forward to seeing you at Christmas and other holidays. You were so amazing with everything you did, you were more than a cousin .. you were a great friend. I cherish your memory everyday and the more I think about it .. I live with your memory. I am now seeking much needed help to fix my problems and I use your memory to help with my fight. I hope that when my times comes .. you will be the one to greet me at the gates. I cannot be angry with you anymore, you did what you thought was right at the time but I wish I could have told you everything I was feeling."
I love you Jeff .. I Miss You.
Онлы Тхе Гоод Дие Ыоунг ( Only The Good Die Young )
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Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
~The*Chosen*Soldier~
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