I haven't cut in a while. Like, several months, I'm not sure how long.

However, the past few days, I've been thinking about it. It's like I can feel it ramping up, I started having fleeting thoughts about SI about a week or so ago and now I can't quit thinking about it.

I want to do it because I know it will feel good, and I know it will hurt. I equally want to numb my emotional pain and cause myself physical pain. It's like this love/hate thing with myself.

I'm doing trauma therapy and I'm sure this is related. I feel really really horrible about talking about my trauma and want to punish myself.

I left a message for my T this afternoon, but I thought maybe posting here would help let off some of the pressure until she calls me back.