Monarkwing,

I was like you once. I used to have a real problem with SI. I have numerous scars on my arms and abdomen to prove it. I couldn't find any other way to release the pain I felt inside from being sexually abused by my grandfather as a young child and then raped as a college student by a so-called friend. So, I started cutting. By slicing myself, I was able to quantify the pain I felt inside and was able to see the new blood and could see the source of the pain (the new pain) and it somehow helped make the old pain easier to bear for a brief moment. Or so I thought. All it did really was leave me with ugly scars that I have to hide so no one can see them. It took years of therapy to truly recover, not only from the abuse but. from the SI as well. I still have the urge to cut but I release it in other ways less damaging ways.

Have you tried seeing someone? A counselor, therapist? Priest? Talk to someone, please. SI doesn't stop the pain. It doesn't solve the problems. It only makes the problems worse by adding to them. I hope you can find someone to help you find peace and help you overcome your cutting as well as work through whatever is causing you to do it as well. I'll be praying for you.