My session with T is tomorrow...He was on vacation, so I haven't seen him in 1-1/2 weeks.

I'm sure he'll be reading the post that I did on my group T blog when I commented on his "degrees of honesty"...and the doubts that I was having, that the therapeutic relationship is basically the T giving the client what they need in order to model it for them but that in reality, it's just a bunch of BS. And that idea was upsetting to me and helped me to feel more distant and cautious.

Now, 1-1/2 weeks later, when I think of this topic that will most likely be addressed with T tomorrow, I come up empty. Totally empty.

Can anyone help me stimulate my thinking/feelings on this? I am facing a major block here, and I'm sure it's my own self-protective defense mechanisms kicking in.

Hey, just by typing this post....something came to mind....Perhaps I am afraid of getting close to T, afraid of letting myself FEEL close to him. I am having trouble grasping the idea of intimacy and am leery about the authenticity of his care for me. I'm paying him for this "modeling", after all.

And the other more obvious issue is that I've been very giving of myself to those that have ultimately hurt me, again and again, in awful ways. So, I am generally very guarded with my feelings.

I don't know. I wish I had a better handle on this....