[quote=BNLsMOM; You know how crazy I am? I felt faintly suicidal on the way home from the store. It was like an automatic thought. "Well, I can't find a suit. I should just kill myself."]

You aren't crazy! I have found that my mind can go to that place as well and it is disturbing, but the fact that you recognized it is a good sign.

Gaining weight when you aren't trying to (not that I have ever experienced that) is brutal and I found it doubly worse when it was from meds. I gained 50 lbs. from meds and it crushed my self esteem. Meds effect people differently and unfortunately for me I gained weight even though I exercised, ate well, blah, blah, blah.

Please go easy on yourself and buy whatever makes you comfortable. When I went to Mexico with the extra 50 lbs. I bought 2 suits that had "rouging" on them (not sure how it's spelled), but it's where the material is gathered. This help hide my imperfections (I gained weight in my middle). Tankinis were also good. What also helped me was to go to smaller bathing suit specialty store that were privately owned (not a chain). The sales clerks in there made me feel at ease and found me the 2 suits that I bought.