The "date" that's coming up was actually planed before this visit. I wasn't really concerned about messing up those plans.

I think I'm going to have to "dish" a bit. I have a T appointment Monday, but I need to get some stuff off my chest before then. If she does end up reading this hopefully she won't hold it against me too much since it's highly unlikely anyone other than her would identify me and/or have any clue whom I'm talking about. I'm already more honest and forthcoming with her than I probably should be so I doubt anything I say here would come as a big surprise to her. It seems to help me just to put stuff out here whether anyone responds or not, and by getting it out of my system here, I'm hoping it'll help lessen my urge to go looking to her with questions she's not ready to consider answers for.

I had the best time that I can remember having in quite a while spending time with her. I'm afraid I jumped the gun a bit by asking her if she'd consider dating exclusively and just see where things go from there. She said she'd have to think about it, but that she kind of likes not being in a relationship right now. She also said she's concerned about the consequences of things not working out if we did that. I told her that I didn't think a "friends with benefits" relationship was something I could do longer term, and she said that's not really for her either.

When I left, we hugged and I said "Please don't feel like you have to say a word... I love you!" to which she replied "I've never stopped loving you".

I felt ok yesterday, but today I'm finding myself really preoccupied thinking about this and I'm also feeling a touch melancholy, and I'm not even sure why. It seems to me that overall things look more positive than negative. I think even 'though she didn't want to make any committments at this time, the fact that she didn't say "absolutely not" to my question seems at least somewhat encouraging as well.

I think it's really important for me to give this time and to keep myself from "pushing". Unfortunately I also think that's going to be one of the most challenging things I've ever attempted.

I really believe there's something about the way I feel about her I'll never find again. I never have and just don't think I ever will love anyone as deeply and completely as I do her. It had been over 3 years since I last saw her and my feelings for her hadn't weakened at all. It's not like I've been pining all that time, but quite honestly, the best I've been able to do is to keep from constantly being preoccupied with it.

Either this is "the real thing" for me, or there's something seriously wrong with me. On the bright side, I guess if it's the latter it should be treatable

Best,

/tones