Hey, just by typing this post....something came to mind....Perhaps I am afraid of getting close to T, afraid of letting myself FEEL close to him. I am having trouble grasping the idea of intimacy and am leery about the authenticity of his care for me. I'm paying him for this "modeling", after all.

And the other more obvious issue is that I've been very giving of myself to those that have ultimately hurt me, again and again, in awful ways. So, I am generally very guarded with my feelings.

I don't know. I wish I had a better handle on this....