Granite, it sounds like you are having the fear of the unknown with this T? When you could both sit quietly it gave you something to rely on, that you could predict her behavior and, therefore, stay safe? When you grow up with an abusive parent this is very scary, so now you are afraid when you can't predict someone's behavior? Plus a T is there to stir things up with you so that you can heal and you might be interpreting this as very invasive and scary?

I think that it is good that you leave therapy feeling brave and more hopeful, this is a good sign. Change, however, isn't flipping a switch, it is gradual and maybe this is why your old ways start seeping back in after a few days? This is a good start. All change is gradual (at least the good and permanent kind!).

Granite, you are going to get better. It is just going to take time and feel scary sometimes. But you will do it and it will happen eventually.