Not to hijack anyones thread, but a response about wanting to give someone a good kick up the behind echoed how I often feel. I know the response was said in good faith adn no malice, it just made me think, I wonder if there are different sorts of people? I am a very strong personality and from the age of 14 when my active alcoholism took off I was always desperately looking for help. Hospitals didn't seem to be of any help, they'd bring me back to life and send me packing with another bag of shame and humiliation, couldn't they see I had more than enough of that?

At last aged 40 I found my help, the T I am with now, but I wonder would I still be running round like a headless chicken if this T like so many other so called "professionals" I came into contact with on my journey wasn't as skillful as she is? I've heard talk of strong or weak therapists, and think its not about that, its about skill.

Now my life is beginning to change and I am beginning to let go my cloak of "victim" I realized that I could never have taken that off without the level of skill T has, its nothing anyone else could have told me to do, and when I was in AA alot did try, but their hounding me and adding to my bag of shame and humiliation just made me grip that cloak even tighter around m shoulders, afraid that without my "victim-stance" how was I ever to find warmth and comfort?

Perhaps my victims cloak was tighter than others and a kick up the arse is enough for some? Not for me, and I struggle now to remember that when listening or reading others, perhaps eventually when I am fully "recovered" that too will heal, but yes I struggle with patience unyet have someone now that has all the patience in the world and then some. I think I am ready to begin work on letting go the need to control, thats basically what impatience comes down too, just another layer of the onion to be peeled.

For those that had the patience to read this, thanks