Thank you everyone for your honest responses. BPD is definitely a tough journey...and since I'm finally starting to try to overcome it, it's SO HARD. Sometimes it seems like it was a lot easier when I just gave in to the unhealthy lifestyle. Trying to change it is so difficult! :/

I have been asking my doctor for outside walking passes, which I lost a couple of weeks ago when I ran away. He tells me he can't trust me because if I feel bad like I did yesterday, I would just do something impulsive like go to a drug store and OD, or jump in front of traffic. (He is right). I told him though, that outside walking passes would make me feel better, and if I'm feeling good then I should be able to go outside. But he can't take the risk yet.

We are going to work on how I respond to these thoughts. If I can respond without hurting myself (biting, scratching, etc) and stop being so impulsive, then we will talk about outside walking passes.

It's just so difficult to wait sometimes. I haven't been outside in almost 2 weeks.