Frist and formost, it sounds like you have a lot of issues to work out, but for some they can't work on it with other people. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but is there something from your coping box that will help?? Take for example if you fell like punishment then go for a run, and run has hard as you can!! That is the best thing to do, and then you accomplish a few things at the same time. You can punish yourself and then get some positive endorphines, to help afterwords.

Second, you are not stupid, these things happen. I have do what you have done but not with qualified people, it has hurt me but, at the same time it doesn't matter. What is done, is done, and there's no going back to fix the problem. So leave that stress in the past, and just move on. Go for a run!!

Third, and this is the most important, realize that posting here was the best thing for you. And that just admiting what you did is one of the best things for you. But to anwer your question there is nothing wrong with you. Some of us put our trust in T and through everything at them, but they hear things like that all the time, do not worry about what was said, just fix them. And if you dont want to fix them, then keep doing what you are doing, Fixing things takes change.

I hope this helped.