Thanks so much Byz, your links are very informative, I am going back to therapy.
I really do need to help myself. I am definately a people pleaser, have been since childhood. I am the oldest of 4 children, and became their protector, and mother figure. Since mom was always working. But I don't blame her because she did the
best she could for us. Trying her best to keep us all together. My father never paid
support, or even was a part of our lives after their divorce. But to this day I do not talk to my father, and I resent him and all that he did to us growing up. This includes abusing my mother. So I am the classic adult of a totally disfunctional, abusesive, acholic/addict, father.

This has caused my life to be a total train wreck, I often wonder how I have managed to survive this long. The will to live is a powerful thing. So as far as self esteme, and all the boundries that should be in place, are not. Everything I've done has been expected of me, and very seldom have been praised or told that I did a good job. My childhood was based on fear, and reacted in a defencesive manner with most things.

I believe that i started out not wanting to every intentionally casing any one the kind of pain that I suffered growing up, and that led me to the path of being a people pleaser. But at this point in my life and sick and tired of being taken advantage of, and the person that everyone comes to when they need something, otherwise I seldom here from them. But yet when it comes to me needing help, they always have some exscuse. I'm not included in a lot of functions, and it hurts me a great deal. The time has come for me to take back control of me and start being the selfish one. Selfish in the sense of taking care of me first.

I could go on and on, I thank you and Sanity for all your kind words and support. This place has saved my life, litterally. I will follow up on your links.
Much Respect,
Bobbi