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jmo531 said:
I feel like an idiot for not believing herwhen she came forward. I mean, no one beleived her, everyone shunned her and made her feel so incredibly alone and I was part of that and I can not fathom making someone feel like that.

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sexual abuse is so shameful, everyone tries to deny it

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jmo531 said:Why is it now that I can remember only bits and peices of the sexual abuse and not then?

Why am I dredging up the past? Why did I start this?

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survival instincts . . . you weren't ready to remember before . . . as you become stronger, you'll remember more (if there is more to remember)

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jmo531 said:Why do I still feel sorry for that bastard?

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that is his role he plays, that his feelings and needs outweigh everyone elses needs . . . you were trained to be in your role of rescuing him, sacrificing yourself, loving him unconditionally

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jmo531 said:I do hate him. but I love him. I have struggled with this for so long. The love/hate feelings as they are so strong with in me. It is so conflicted that it makes me dizzy. I am tired of hearing that it is the Victim Syndrome because I want to be done with him but I cant. I just cant.

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((((((((((((huggs)))))))))))))))

i've struggled with this for a long time, too. last October, my father triggered me so much that i finally realized i could never "justify" his abusive past behaviors again. what helped me completely severe all ties with my father is the fact he would not admit to others that he sexually abused me. he would talk about being a born-again Christian and how he didn't need therapy nor bring up the past again. former alcoholics, drug addicts, and ex-convicts all disclose to their close friends about their past. however, sexual predators do not disclose, and i believe they never can have self-healing nor trust from anyone until they quit hidding their secrets. why have a relationship with someone like this? why need to forgive a sexual predator that insists he/she is normal and doesn't need help and has a right to be around kids? (sorry i'm rambling)

i hope you are done with him. he doesn't deserve any of your precious time or concern.