I can see we have had different experiences and I'm glad; I learn a great deal from your posts, Melba, and don't mean to sound like I'm injecting myself into your experiences. I think you feel you needed a good T and when you found her that worked for you.

I had the same T, twice, for 9 years each time with 9 years off inbetween and I can see the differences between each time; the first time I wasn't as ready for T, even though I was committed, came and worked; I just wasn't as able. I view most of that 9 years as T keeping my head above water so I didn't drown; I don't feel like I got much growth out of it. I think my T saw it differently, saw more growth than I did and, if I think hard, I can see that my current 20 year happy marriage could not have happened without that therapy groundwork.

The second time I was surprised because T had grown as well as I had in the years apart and I could see that very clearly. In the beginning of the second set, we would get into the exact same positions/arguments as we had during the first set and I'd get this feeling of déjà vu but then something wonderful would happen and T's response would be different this time and it would be good for me. But also, I would be able to see and appreciate what had happened, which I wouldn't have been able to do the first time, as quickly, if at all. I think my T was a good T to begin with and kept getting better but I think the same could be said for me and it took the right combination at the right time. it's like we were both moving targets. I am grateful I got my T both times but I can imagine if I'd gotten her a little earlier that it might not have worked at all because one or the other of us would not have been mature enough in our "jobs".

I think some people, sadly, can't identify a good T necessarily and/or that particular T is not good for them for whatever reason. I don't know that you would have been able to work with my T or I, with yours, but we both know they are good T's.

I think we've read posts on here where people have gone to "expert" or renown T's and been disappointed, and some of them, you would think, would be "good" but I think it's like how I feel about best selling books; I don't read them, don't care what book Oprah or the New York Times is recommending, etc. Those aren't what works for me.