I understand, but it is not you, it's him. You have a big heart. That makes you a great person. He is nothing. You feel dirty because he is dirt, but believe me it washes away because you are not dirty. Give it some time.
Some guy tried to rape me once in a dark alley. Luckily I remembered a self-defense move from a movie so he gave up (nails in the eyes hurts like hell). Because I could defeat him, like you did with this guy, I felt better much sooner than I expected. You'll see! I didn't ask for it, anymore than you did!!!!