WePow...for what it's worth, you are not alone in going through these rollercoasters rides of feeling almost complete trust for t and like you can really open up and count on him.....to 30 seconds later feeling like an idiot for thinking t would care and that you could ever trust or rely on anyone. My t is big on telling me that this is just a fear I have. I call them "facts" but he says no, they are "fears". And fearing he doesn't care doesn't make it true - it doesn't make it reality. I so, so, so know the utter devastation you feel after you send an email and get no response and each passing minute with no response seems like an eternity, until you get to the point of turning on yourself saying you don't care and were silly to think you could trust t and shut yourself off and try to turn away.

But for me, much as I have told myself (each time) that that is it, NO MORE, I will not trust him again, nor email - I will go to therapy but will not allow myself to get involved - I will not let him or therapy hurt me or make me vulnerable again.....each time, before too long, t will do something so supportive or that makes me feel so safe and secure, that it somehow washes away all the hurt again and restores my hope - in t, in a future, in things one day being better.

I hope your t does the one big or small thing that it will take to restore your faith in him and in hope and in the future really soon. I ...sense he will do it....I just hope he does it quick. Because the pain you are feeling is very real and you need that high that is just around the corner, when t restores your belief and trust in him once more.

Wow - did I ramble or what?