Rainbow, thank you for this response. I am CERTAIN it is just me and my messed up mind and cracked heart. I just don't know the rules of stuff like this. He said it was never me - but his ability - when it comes to not answering emails. So I understand that and in my world he doesn't have the ability to want to go the extra step for me... but that is stupid of me to wish for it... It is dumb of me to expect it and I know it. I know therapy is one hour a week. He could not even allow me to email at all.

I don't know what it was I needed or thought I needed in my heart. All I know is that it is broken too much and now it just no longer matters at all. I hit my emotional low today and right now even. He is not there and that is just the facts and I can't want more becuase it will harm me and so I just don't care. I surrender to the facts and will no longer ever be the needy client. I will go in and chat but not from the real me... from the social me who is trying I guess... but it is back to solid wall lock down on the inside and I think that is just where I am the safest. Soon it will end. It can't last forever.. even if it were the best. It all ends soon. So I don't care anymore.