Thank you so much for responding. It just...it's such a relief not to be alone in the void.

Yes, my husband is seeing a therapist in Korea. Unfortunately, the psychiatrist he saw in America didn’t speak Korean, and his weekly counseling sessions were conducted with a trainee. He is now seeing a Korean psychiatrist and going to psychotherapy. He is also less afraid to go outside because he’s more in control of the environment, since he’s familiar with his surroundings. Also, his family is there to force him to go outside, go on weekend trips, etc. I couldn’t do that in America because I was working all day. While I was at work, he was completely inactive. He wouldn’t even eat lunch unless I came home in the middle of the day to have lunch with him.

I unfortunately can’t go to Korea right now because I’m working 2 jobs in order to pay for the hospital bills as well as our living expenses. I did think about having a phone session with his psychiatrist, but I can’t speak Korean well enough to communicate effectively.

I *did* speak independently with his psychiatrist in America, and she said that he seemed to have had a pre-inclination towards passivity and allowing others to do things for him rather than problem solve or strive through problems on his own - which has been magnified hundrefold with his depression. Which is very true. He was dominated by his sister from a very young age, and she took care of many problems for him, effectively not allowing him to develop problem-solving skills in a comprehensive manner. She came to America when he got sick and stayed with us for months – and she was not only domineering but extremely abusive to me (not to him). She got drunk every week, said horrible things, cursed at everyone, and even once hit me on the head because she said I shouldn’t deny that I was pretty. Yeah, don’t ask – I have NO idea where that even came from!

In terms of him being committed to getting better…yes and no. I think he’s willing to go to treatment and take medication, but in America, he couldn’t push himself to do more. In Korea, he seems to be able to push himself a little bit more than here. The psychiatrist stated that his problem wasn't following the passive regimen of taking meds and attending counseling sessions. His problem was extreme fear and inability to find an inkling of motivation to fight his depression. She said he was perfectly capable of going back out into society little by little, but the only thing stopping him was his unwillingness to fight. She even asked him during one of our sessions whether the threat of divorce would be motivating enough for him to start fighting the depression, since he seemed to love me so much. He said it was enough of a motivation, but when we get home...nothing. For my birthday, he said he was going to cook a simple but special dinner. I didn't care about my birthday, but I saw it as a symbol of hope - he's motivating himself to do something, anything, on what he perceived to be a special occasion. But when I came back home from work that day...he had been sleeping all day. He'd done nothing, not even eat lunch. It was devastating because I'd built up hope that he was trying to fight his depression in an active way.

I tried everything I could to have him get better here in America that was within my power. When the psychiatrist recommended that he start working, my father and I found him a very easy job with my father’s friend, who knew about the situation and didn’t pressure my husband. Within 6 days, my husband quit. Sending him to Korea was a last resort for us – an “if all else fails” option.

If I divorce him, he’ll be devastated and perhaps backslide into depression. But if he stays with me…he might become like the dozens of Koreans I’ve seen who immigrated to the U.S., couldn’t cope, and fell into a depression that they couldn’t recover from. I’ve met several at church – they were never able to work again, and one of them is practically non-functional outside of his father’s guidance. I’m scared that, if he remains here, he’ll not only suffer through the horrible storm of depression…but that he won’t be able to have a full life.

I would miss him so dearly and painfully if we divorced. I love him – perhaps not as a husband, but as my companion and family. If I divorce him, his sister will most likely villainize me and forbid all contact. So…that would be it.

He’s such a good guy. He’s the kindest man I’ve ever met. My family is trying to be silent on their dislike for him, but I know that his lies have really scarred them. But despite the lies…I just can’t explain it…he’s one of the most kind-hearted and innately good people I’ve ever met. The idea of him not being able to smile again, to enjoy life the way he did (which was one of the reasons why I was so attracted to him in the first place), to lift his head up and be proud of who he is again… that devastates me more than anything else.