Sannah, we talked about it once a while ago (a month? two?) on the phone. It was after a really hard session and I called her told her how guilty and dirty and BAD I felt. She said she thinks a lot of it is because I had such a strong rule against telling for so long.

Anyway, we haven't talked about it in session but I would like to. Sometimes when I have something super specific to say in session then I will get too much anxiety about it ahead of time, so I'm not going to promise to myself or anyone else that I'll talk about this at my next session. I'm going to just have to hope it comes out.

I think I feel pretty numb right now. The early part of the week was all huge emotions and a big jumbled up mix of yuck. The last couple days, I feel calmer. Not happy, but not horrible. Not looking for something, anything, to change how I feel in the moment.

I know this stuff is there, though, bubbling away under the surface. I didn't sleep last night, for instance. Not at all. I went to bed, and laid there, and finally gave up and got up at 4am. So, while I feel mostly ok or numb emotionally, something is obviously going on. I think I will be okay, though.