Hey,
How you been?
Yeah, I know it defeats the purpose of having a psychologist and on medications if I don't take advantage of them. I never signed up for therapy, it was court ordered when I was a teen and it was suggested that I continue on. I don't like talking to people, I rather type it out. I don't trust my psychologist. I don't trust anyone that I can see face to face. I don't trust myself.

I am supposed to be getting married soon to my mate but I don't really trust him either; I know its sad but its true. Its why I keep saying not now, later and making excuses. I am hoping some trust will spawn but I really don't think I am willing to trust anyone like that. Every time I have trusted someone it has turned out badly and I have gotten hurt. It's just not worth it to me.

As for the meds, they are different story. I try to take them but its rough, everyone inside says not to and I kinda feel like I lose the real me when I take them and it is some sort of control. I guess I rather suffer then feel happy. I guess goes back to me feeling like I don't deserve to be happy.

Anyway, I hope you are doing good