granite, this is great that you know this. You have identified a reason why her reading the letter is so stressful and why her pressuring you to talk is so stressful. Please tell your T exactly that sentence: "I need you not to be so frustrated with me." Then she can work to help make sure you are confident she will not be frustrated and it will help her monitor her own reactions so that she doesn't express exactly what you don't need: frustration. I have been trying for a number of months to tell my T something and we have worked a lot (hard work, he calls it) on why I am having difficulty telling him. My main fear turns out to be I am sure he will be judgmental about what I am telling him. We have worked a lot on this, going back to issues with my mother being judgmental about this exact same thing. I have needed this work in order to move closer to being able to tell him. But if I didn't tell him that worry--that he would be judgmental--he wouldn't have known what we needed to work on to move me closer. Do you think you can tell your T that you need her to not be frustrated with you?