Sanityseeker, I can totally relate with what you posted. I have had the same pattern in my life and I have been working on it with my Psychologist. It just got to the point that I just needed to try and put myself out there. Was it successful all the time? Unfortunately no, but I have found 2 people (other than my Psychologist) that I have been able to have a healthy give and take relationship.

I think part of the issue is I got too good at putting on the facade. Growing up in my family I learned at a very young age that no one was there to take care of me, so I learned to just stuff any feelings I had. When I was admitted to the Psych hospital at 31, all of my friends were shocked because I was the "strong one", the one with everything together. In reality I was a mess and it nearly killed me.