Thank you all again. There is no way I could have made it without each and every one of you!!!! That was a painful lesson, but like you guys said, it really made my connection with T much stronger. I feel now a strange deep peace that is not just on the surface. It is like even if I need T again and he can't/doesn't reply, that I will not panic as much next time. I suppose it really is baby steps in all this!

I wanted to share a portion of what my T said because it helped me so much and I will keep it in my heart:

"As for your last e-mail. I went back and read it again. It does not sound "needy" to me at all. I simply sounds like someone who has a very solid plan to stay healthy long term. Most of my friends who are recovering from sexual abuse and/or addictions always have a therapist in place, whether or not they see that therapist monthly, quarterly or yearly. It just makes good sense... so, lets process it a little further. "

I am SO thankful you guys gave me the courage I didn't have for myself - so I could reach out and connect with my T when I NEEDED him the most yesterday.