Suzzie, can you relax and maybe use a medium besides writing? I'm thinking of collage, doing a "picture" of things you would like, wishes, dreams, etc.

I did one many years ago, even has "potatoes" which are one of my favorite foods in the whole world :-) but I have a picture of my stepmother, an important/difficult person in my life and friends and a poem I like and pictures of interior and exterior "rooms" I like, etc.

http://mysharingspaceonline.com/collage.jpg