(((((((( AC )))))))))) You are never ever a waste of time to me - or anyone here on PC. This is the right place to come when you need to be here. And just because you did SI, that does not mean you don't belong here. I think you know that though.

It sometimes helps to just come here and type before things get too much out of control inside. But if there is any way for you to get help from a therapist, please do that. There are some bad ones out there, but there are GREAT ones out there as well. And while it is hard work to build the trust relationship with a T, it can help you to get to the bottom of the internal anguish.

Self harm can only happen when the soul is in agony. It is not natural for someone to harm themselves - it goes against survival. I am so so sorry that you have that kind of pain in your heart because I know that kind of pain of my own and boy it makes living hard. I hate to see anyone in that kind of pain.

I hope you can find an outside voice for yourself that will free you from self harm.