Well i clearly have wasted peoples time, everyone who's helped me for so long, and i've gone and done it. How do you rekon that makes people who helped me feel ? Probbaly like they should have done better and blame themselves.

I feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with this one, I have so little trust in people, especially strangers, and yet, i have so much trust in SI, However I know its not good for me, but, it works.

I cant figure out how to change my attitude to that one, nor do i know if i want to change that attitude.

As for the soul being in agony, well, I'm fine now, Its sorted, I dont hurt inside as much as I did, admitedly its not a healthy way, but it works, and stops me from being suicidal.

I'll keep looking for something or someone i can trust, who i know wont get up and leave. Dont really know where to start, but i'll find something. But it seems every time i find that person, the either arnt interested, or they do leave.