Trippin2.0!!! It's true, it is the illness lying to you. Why oh why does it hit us with those kinds of thoughts?! I don't know, but it does. And about feeling like you'll never matter to anyone again? I can personally attest that you truly never know, no matter how throroughly your brain is trying to convince you of this! It's a thought I've struggled with a ton over many years, and it was hitting really hard and very persistantly less than a year ago. I was UTTERLY CONVINCED that my brain wasn't lying to me, but telling me the cold hard truth. I'd've slapped any pollyanna that suggested otherwise, you know? Turns out the brain was lying. Someone did come into my life that cares. Deeply. I still can't even believe it, but it is true. A ton of people? No. But that's ok. And this forum? Even though we can't see each other, there IS deep caring for one another here. I think about the folks on here a LOT, and not only when online. All the time. And yes, that very much includes YOU, Trippin!

Remember too, you recently changed meds, right? The adjustment may be messing with you. Something to keep in mind waiting for the flip to switch. Because you know it will. It's like that old expression... the only constant is change. Especially true for us BPs. In the meanwhile... You very much DO matter!!! A lot!!!