everyrose... I hope you can find someone safe to talk with about this in person. You can post to SI help groups and that may help. But talking to a therapist about this is really something you need to do. Self Harm comes because there is something poison on the inside - some pain - something wrong and hurt and bleeding - and it needs to be addressed. If a person wrecks a car and breaks a leg, everyone can see it and they take them to the doctor. But when we get our hearts and minds and souls deeply wounded, others can't see it. So we tend to SI in a subconscious effort to SHOW the conscious self that there is trouble deep inside.

You have to find a way to give your true self a voice that can be heard - without causing your body harm.